Yesterday Scott and I celebrated our 4yr anniversary! It was an amazing day being it’s such a milestone for us. I didn't even think we were going to make it past year 1.
We were together for 3 year before we got married, even had a child out of wedlock, and we were getting married while pregnant with our second. Still, Marriage was a new experience for us! Let me just say that again for those who haven't been told like myself. no matter whether yous lived together already, or knew each other for some time. Marriage was still a new experience. Im not sure if it's the seemingly daunting commitment of "til death do we part" or that spirit of familiarity and want for control.. But things got crazy, wells our things did... People are still surprised to hear how many times the cops were involved within our domestic disputes. Anyways 4yrs later and by the Grace and hedging of protection by God, Scott and I sit here together compiling a list we would have told our newlywed selves to share with you.
1. You can not be each others saviors -K
I think one of my biggest expectations were that Scott was gonna heal me and fill all my voids. Only God can do that.
2. don't bring the past into your marriage. -S
If it didn't benefit you back then, I promise it only gets worst when your family and children become involved..
3. Unless serious or life threatening, don't involve the cops into your marital disputes -S
We do not promote abuse within the relationship of any kind. We only wish to share our own experience. When the cops become involved the problem is made so much bigger and dragged on, when it could have been solved with a simple seize fire! Stop whatever it is whether yelling, breaking things, whatever.. just stop and take some time to cool off. Take your frustrations to God and when you are ready, come sit together and talk it out.
4. 2 in 1 does NOT mean you become the same person. Boundaries are okay and is in fact a safe guard! -K
I don't know if I'm the only one who took that scripture out of context. I definitely had to learn that Just because we got married didn't mean Scott was going to start liking cake and I hot sauce. Scott is his own person just as I am my own. We are like minded when it comes to living for God, and still we are independent in the way we serve.. I guess I am still learning how that scripture applies, but don't make my mistake in thinking it meant your spouse should become a carbon copy.
5..Don't be so hard on each other, not everybody comes into marriage knowing how to be a husband/wife and most have unrealistic expectations -K
I wasn't born knowing how to be a wife and truthfully I wouldn't say I was given a role model of marriage. For a long time I didn't even wanna get married and had a warped view of it. I'm grateful we held on and grew together through that shortcoming
6. If you want an angelic husband/wife we need to provide each other with a heavenly environment.. -S Pretty self explanatory, right?
7. Just to reiterate on boundaries You are responsible for your own actions -K
So many times we try and justify ourselves with "Well if Scott did this" or "if Kristina didn't do this I wouldn't have..." No... You are your own person and nobody can force you to react negatively. That's lack of self control and that most be. You are your own person and you DON'T always have to react.
8. Don't lie... Marriage is a promise of commitment through good AND bad, when you lie, thats an attack to the trust between Husband and wife... Rather challenge the marriage and commitment man up and fix a wrong and work through it. In the long run, your marriage would become stronger!
Who is married, how was that first year!? Share Your experience with us...
A LITTLE about the Author, Kristina
Thankful for who I AM. I am a woman after God's heart. A wife. A mother of 4 beautiful children. and a lover of all things good and true.. In that order. How do you do?