Disclaimer:: This is a true story that supports our pro-life beliefs so if that’s a trigger please be warned. If you still choose, we invite you to come sit with us and hear how we went from Pro-Abortion “Choice” to Pro-Life, through the retelling of a story through the eyes of an overlooked dad...
Age 18; I was woken up by pounding at the front door. My girlfriend Jess and her Mom stood at the door and her mom was not happy. “Do you know you got my daughter pregnant!?” She fumed through gritted teeth. I looked for Jess who was partially hidden behind her mother. She seemed upset… maybe scared. My head was still groggy from just waking up as I tried to get past the anger flying at me and the sudden news that I was going to be a dad. Before my heart could start racing with the news I was immediately crushed; the decision to terminate the pregnancy was already made. I knew Jess and her family were pro-choice, and I was too.. but I couldn’t help but feel the unfairness in this situation. I had no part in this decision despite the joint choice to lay together. I had no say in anything because immediately after the lashing of words from Jess’s mother, angrily she left dragging Jess behind her. As I stood there, they never asked what I wanted. They never even gave me a chance. Where was the choice that I supported?
Jess called me to tell me she had set the appointment at Planned Parenthood. I took that opportunity to present my request by simply asking, was she sure this was what she wanted. “Are you sure you’re okay with just getting a baby sucked out of you?” I felt annoyed as she continued to go along completely disregarding my apparent disapproval. I assured her that I DID want the baby and would love it, but she said no and repeated it was her body and she just didn’t feel “ready” and that she felt “too young”.
Who’s ever ready for a baby, I thought? Even those who spend their lives taking treatments to get pregnant, once achieved, at a certain point question their readiness. I felt so frustrated because she didn’t feel too young for sex. She knew of the possible outcome. Either way, it wasn’t my body right, so I dropped it.
Jess didn’t know how much I grieved the death of my child, she didn’t see how much her decision to terminate OUR baby pained me. I didn’t talk to her for a couple days after that. Jess thought it was my “shitty” way of breaking up. In her head it was set and paid for by mommy and I just had to get over it.
Once we reconnected our relationship went on, because I did love her, as if nothing happened. The loss was pushed to the back of my brain because it was just something I didn’t want to think about. I didn’t ask how it went, I felt as if I would have been asking, “so how did it go killing my baby?” I didn’t want to know. It’s something I still hurt about, think about, like maybe I could have tried harder to stop her. Maybe if I told her the baby could live with me… (As a tear slides down the cheek)
They say when you ask a parent who’s lost a child about said child, they can give you how old they would be. Well if you ask Scott he would tell you that the child would have been 14.
Something I never considered, Scott had opened my eyes to. Men are expected to not show emotions, to not have an opinion because “My body, my choice” but what about their sperm, their shared life, their choice in that decision?
This is not a means to bash anyone and their choices in life. This post is merely for the sake of giving a voice to the overlooked dads out there who are forced to swallow their emotions and not hold an opinion about a life they helped create. This is for the overlooked dads who silently mourn a life that they created but was taken away. This is for the overlooked dad that feels his choice didn’t matter.
You DO matter and we are sorry for your loss <3 Stay strong dads.
A LITTLE about the Author, Kristina
Thankful for who I AM. I am a woman after God's heart. A wife. A mother of 4 beautiful children. and a lover of all things good and true.. In that order. How do you do?